To Forgive And To Forget

In Holland there is a saying, to forgive but not to forget when it comes to a fault or mistake. I know it is difficult to apply in our life. It is difficult to forget the many mistakes repeatedly done by the same person and to forgive him or her, yet this person doesn’t want to confess and regret it and just gives empty promises.

Suspicion takes the place of trust between the parties. Sometimes you are not yourself when you are close to each other. You don’t feel comfortable and want to get away from that person quickly.

You have been hurt. It costs you a lot of pain, tears, sorrow, stress, time, energy and much more. This situation makes you unable to concentrate on what you are doing. Everything is not going well. Just to hear the word which reminds you of the fault makes you stressful. The wound has left a scar. So, how can you forgive it and much less forget it?

To get forgiveness you should ask for it, promise not to do it again and keep the promise. It happens rarely that you forgive a fault before the person who does it, asks for it especially when the person does not confess and feel regret or keeps doing it. But to my surprise, there are indeed people who are able to do that.

They can forgive without being asked, not because they are super human or because they are holy. No, not at all, they are just like all of us. They also have been hurt and feel the pain and get sleepless nights. There is one thing that makes them able to do that.

I read once a meaningful saying from my Daily Bread book:

Forgiveness is not a weak attitude of “unconcern”, “not care about”, “easily be trifled with”. Forgiveness is a strong attitude that does not deny and disguise the fault but conquer it.

They know they get benefit from their act of forgiving. This act does not delete the past. No matter what you do, you can never change the past. With their forgiveness they make themselves free from all nightmares. They bring themselves out of a terrible place to a comfortable one. They heal their wound.
Now, how about to forget? I think no one can forget a fault completely. Maybe you can but not me, ha…ha..ha…ha…

People cannot or can hardly forget someone else’s fault but can easily forget his own words. That’s why I wrote this not just for you but also for myself.

I believe most of you still remember in details a fault the other people did that hurt you so much. No problem. I agree with that saying above, to forgive but not to forget. Please don’t misunderstand me. If someone says that you have to forget the fault, it does not mean you have to forget anything about that.
For me to forget the fault means you should forget the pain of it. If you still know exactly where, when and how it happened, it’s ok. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it. But like the saying above, you should think of it not with anger, sadness and much less revenge. Free yourself from all those negative thoughts which just make you weak. Let your brain work hard to lead you to the positive thoughts. Put well in your mind, those things have happened and you don’t want to let it control yourself. You have the control.

No matter how many times you hear the words, songs or stories which remind you about the fault, you can stand it and stay calm. That is the way to conquer the fault. It is wonderful to be the conqueror, isn’t it? Read more!

Why Malang?

That's what I was thinking when I made this blog. Why Malang? I was not born there, nor been there before, I just live there, been 3 years now. I have lived in several places in Indonesia and Holland. I speak Indonesian, English and Dutch. I don't speak Javanese as the native language used in Malang, so why Malang? I fell in love with this city on the first sight (read: first arrival).

What I knew about Malang was that the weather is cool compared to the other cities in Indonesia and it is well known with its apples. I remember when my father went on his business to Malang for several days. He came home with a big box full of apples. I didn't remember the taste but I still remember when I opened the box and touched the apples, that didn’t make me curious about this city but that were what I thought of when we heard about the plan to move there.

We moved to Malang because of the job of my husband. When I came there, I didn't have any friends or family living in Malang and as I wrote before, I don't speak Javanese, the most spoken language there. But I just felt home at once. The city is small and clean. Ok, it can be much cleaner though but it is indeed cleaner than the other cities in Indonesia I have visited. The traffic is not crowded, lots of wide streets and the weather is great. It's the combination of Holland and Indonesia. I can wear tank top and/or short pants without being afraid of getting sunburn like in Jakarta or getting cold like in Holland. Perfect!

Malang means unlucky in Indonesian but this city gives me a feeling on the contrary. I got a lot of new experience with its people, nature, events, habits, etc. Also I got lots of time to think about things which I previously ignored as I thought not important. This city opens my eyes and mind wider. We have been in several places but this is the place I get more things to see, to learn and to think. That's why Malang it is. Read more!